Thursday, September 25, 2008

and there it was.

"God sets the lonely in families..." Psalm 68:6

the last week has been filled with encouragement. it doesn't make it hurt any less, but it lifts my heart to a place where the hurt is at least tolerable. i feel and see God working. i hate that my time in the US away from my kids is necessary. but with each new encouragement, each new person that gets involved or old friend that is still excited about helping me, i fell God's purpose for my time here. to everyone who has donated money, time, resources, or just a word of encouragement, thank you. you have been a family to one very lonely girl.

* * *

on sundays i go to my parent's catholic church where i grew up. my favorite part of the mass is communion, and i never miss a chance to pass it out. being able to look into each person's eyes and know that on some level, they are experiencing the same hurt that i am, the same joy that i am, the same separation from the Maker that we long to be with, is the greatest blessing. this week as i was giving communion to one lady in the long line of people, she looked at me and said "Welcome home." i don't know this woman, but for that instant she knew me. and she said "Welcome home." it was as if a flood gate broke open from back behind my eyes and the tears came in an unstoppable river. "Welcome home." i wanted to ask her, "where is home?"

i have come to the realization that i am somewhat of a nomad on this earth. i am learning to be ok with that. human beings long for a place to call home, a nest, a sanctuary of their own. i have many and none. for so long my parent's house was my "home", my safe place, and now is a place where i feel strangely disconnected. my apartment is "home" for now, but doesn't feel personal yet. my room there is plastered with pictures of my children in my other "home" in uganda, the only home that truly feels like MY place, the only home that i created for myself, and yet a place that i cannot be.

"Welcome home," she said. and in my mind ten little bald, brown people ran toward me shrieking, "MOMMY, WELCOME HOOOOOME!" and squeezed me until i threatened to burst. my heart lives in so many places. with so many people. but God whispers to me that i really only have one home, and that is with Him. i will never be content here. i will always be a nomad. it was meant to be that way. my heart was created with a desire for a home, a nest, a sanctuary, and that can only be found with Him in Heaven. and i will continue bouncing from one home to another, loving with everything i have in whatever location i am currently residing, excitedly awaiting the day when I am called heavenward and He says to me, "Welcome HOME."