I dont sleep. Last night I laid 7 beautiful sick little people in my bed and it hit me like a brick. THEY NEED A MOM. My initial response was, of course: OK. I can do that.
And then I thought about it. Whoa. Uh oh. Oh, God, please don’t ask me to be their mom. I mean, really? If having 11 children is crazy, what is having 18? Nope, I can’t do it. Really. I even don’t think I have the energy to bathe and feed them all every day God. I won’t be able to put them through college, not even in Uganda. God, now I’m seriously never going to convince anyone to marry me. Ah, yes, I would like to sit here and proclaim to you that I ALWAYS trust in God’s perfect plan for my life and I always turn everything over to God knowing that His peace surpasses all understanding, but here is the truth of it: I FREAKED OUT. I said “God, if you ask me to be their mom, I won’t do it. No.” And then that didn’t feel very appreciative of someone who died for me, so I said “Ok God, if you want me to be their mom, I want a dishwasher. Oh, AND a bus.” After about an hour of this conversation (Yes, it was happening out loud as I lay on the floor next to my bed) I came to my senses and decided to get in the Word (duh.) And please just let me share with you what God said to me…
“It’s ok to be human. I created you, I understand. Do not be afraid; do not be terrified. I am the Lord your God and I will go with you wherever you go. I will never leave or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). Remember that I said you would be hard pressed on every side, but never crushed; perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but never abandoned, discouraged but never destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). When you try to save your own life, your own desires, you will lose. But when you decide to put aside your desires, to lose your life for me, you will find it. (Matthew 16:25). Rest in my perfect peace. Trust me with ALL YOUR HEART and I will direct your path (Proverbs 3:5-6). Sometimes I test your faith daughter, because it develops perseverance in you, which you need to be mature and complete, not lacking in anything (James 1:2-4). I know how much you hurt for these children; I hurt for them more. In the world you will have trouble, but take heart! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD (John 16:33). Never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor serving me, your Father. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. Continue to offer my hospitality to people in need and let me take care of the rest (Romans 12:11-13)
Of course. According to Suzanne who called after a few very frantic text messages (THANK THE LORD FOR SISTERS!), it’s ok to freak out every now and then, but this is all a little funny. (Hm. Tell me that when seven strangers are sleeping in your bed). But she reminded me that really, I am sure that God was laughing too. “I will not leave you as orphans (REMEMBER!) I am coming to you!” And you know what I remembered? I trust in God’s perfect plan and my heart so desires to turn everything over to God knowing that His peace surpasses all understanding. Imagine that.
Today the freaking out is over and though I still have no idea exactly what is going to happen, I do know what I am going to do. I am going to live day by day because today, this moment, is all I am promised. So I am going to bathe and feed and love these children, nurse them back to health and wait in hope as I watch God's perfect plan for their lives unfold. I am going to PRAY over them each night and I am going to pray for a mother, an auntie, someone to love on the children. Pray with me? Their names are Maria, Sharon, Sarah, Joy, Joanne, Jonah, Jane. And God will not leave them as orphans.