the heavens rejoiced today as 40 kids gave their hearts to Jesus.

oh, the power of the Lord that we serve :) the best thing about watching a child accept Christ is the fact that you can see the change take place. children are honest. they don't do things because they feel like they need to, because it is the thing to do. they don't do it to impress. these children give their hearts to the Lord because they can feel Him, they KNOW that He is real. they want hope, something to cling to in a land of nothing. and they find it there, in the arms of their Father. and being able to share that hope with them is a gift beyond any in this world.

i do not consider myself and evangelist, and i don't hope to be one. but i believe that you can share Christ with others through the way you behave, the way that you love. i believe that God makes Himself known to these children and all i have to do is show them the reality of His love. i tell them stories of a God who has moved me to a country far from my home and captivated my heart and soul. i tell them stories of a God who has a plan for my life that is always greater than what i have in mind, a God who has a plan for them too. they cling to this hope. so i continue to share it.

this ministry has take off, leaving me constantly filthy, exhausted, and thoroughly overjoyed. in the last week we have signed 101 children up in out sponsorship program, many of whom will go to school for the first time, though they are a range of ages, at the start of the school year in february. they are just as excited as i am. we have also started village ministry, doing Bible studies, singing songs and playing games with these kids and their friends in their home villages. my house is a mess and i don't have a spare minute to clean it, but i'm pretty sure that God doesn't care. mom, i promise to clean up a but before you guys get here. :)

someone asked me the other day, "really? is it really as great as you make it sound?i could never do that! are you really happy?" for all of you who wonder, this is my response.

you know what i want sometimes? to go to the mall and spend a ridiculous amount of money on a cute new pair of shoes. i want to sit on my kitchen counter chatting with my girlfriends and eat a whole carton of cookie dough ice cream. i want to watch grey's anatomy, or any tv for that matter. i want to cuddle with my sweet boyfriend. i want to hop in my cute car, go to the grocery store, and pick up any kind of produce i want. i want to wake up in a house with my loving family, not all by myself. i want to go to blockbuster and pick out a movie to watch with my little brother and his friends and i want to cook for them at midnight. i want to spend mindless hours with my best friends talking about boys and fashion and school and life. i want to go to the gym. i want my hair to look nice. i want to wear cut off jean shorts. i want to be a normal teenager living in america. i do.

but. you know what i want more? ALL the time? i want to be spiritually and emotionally filled every day of my life. i want to be loved and cuddled by100 children and never go a day without laughing. i want to wake up to a rooster, my two africa dogs, and a splendid view of the nile river. i want to be challenged endlessly; i want to be learning and growing every minute. i want to be taught by those i teach. i want to share God's love with people who otherwise might not know it. i want to work so hard that i end every day filthy and too tired to move. i want to feel needed, important, used by the Lord. i want to make a differnce and i want to follow the calling that God has planted deep in my heart. i want to give my life away, to serve the Lord with each breath, each second. i want to be here. right here.

Peter is the rock on which God built His church. But fist, Peter was probably the worst disciple ever. I am Peter.

Jesus tells Peter the Peter will deny Him 3 times; Peter says, "No! I love you, I could never deny you, Lord." Yet we all know that Peter does in fact deny Jesus 3 times. I know in my heart and my soul and the core of my being that I LOVE the Lord, that I would do anything for Him, go to the ends of the earth for Him, but how often do i forget to give the Glory back to His name? How often do I take compliments without giving Him the credit, without the honor and praise back to God who has given me this work? Do I, as Peter, deny Jesus the glory that is His?

Jesus told His disciples that it was God's will for Him to be arrested. He went willingly when the soldiers came to take Him, but enthusiastic, loving Peter raised his sword and cut off a soldier's ear. I'm sure Jesus chuckled and shook His head as He put the ear right back on the man. "put your sword away," Jesus commanded, "shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" I am Peter. I have my own time frame. When I don't see things happening, I try to make them happen. And Jesus says, "Put away your sword, put away your plans. Shall we not do what the Father has asked of us?" So like Peter, I put away my plans, my defenses, and watch as everything happens perfectly, in God's own timing.

After Jesus had risen, He appeared to His disciples while they were fishing. When Peter saw his beloved Savior, He excitedly jumped out of the boat and began swimming where Jesus stood. Needless to say, the boat probably reached the shore long before Peter. I am Peter. Excitedly jumping into things, and then standing, sopping wet, at the feet of the Lord, smiling at my stupidity. I get excited, forget to think things through, and end up doing them the long way. Every time, though, just as with Peter, Jesus welcomes my soaking wet self into His arms and is simply happy to see me.

I am Peter who made many mistakes, but I am Peter who God had great plans for, who God established to do His work. Peter is the rock on which Jesus built His church. The very night that Perter foolishly jumped out of the boat, Jesus reinstated Him in the presence of the other disciples. "Do you truly love me?" He asked. "Then feed my lambs." "Do you really love me? Take care of my lambs." "Peter, DO YOU LOVE me? Feed my sheep, and come. Come follow Me."

For each time that I deny God the Glory that is His, for each time I follow my will instead of listening to His, for each time I jump ahead without first consulting my Lord, He asks, “Daughter, do you truly love me?” and I do. “Feed my sheep.” And I will. And I do. “Come follow me.” And I am, or at least I am trying.

I am Peter. I mess up. I make mistakes, I am far from perfect, and God will use me. God will establish great things through me. You are Peter. God already knows that you will make a mess, but His plan for you is great. Go. Feed His sheep.

November 16, 2007

Sometimes people use the expression, "I have seen it all." They haven't. I have seen it all. All of Africa that is. Today I made the 7 hours drive from my home to a small village outside Masaka ( where i am working to support yet another orphanage). I literally drove across Uganda, and though it was long and very bumpy, I couldn't have been more thrilled. Beautiful is often the word I use to describe my life here, but honestly, beautiful doesn't begin to capture it. Rolling hillsides, lush green valleys, grassy plains that reach the horizon, and a single dirt road stretching as far as the eye can see. And that is my life. I can't see where the road leads, but I am so happy to be on this beautiful, uncertain road and though I am not sure where it is leading, I know that it is here, in Africa.

I am here now, being eaten alive by mosquitoes in the home of a family that I do not know. (Ugandan hospitality is wonderful.) I will admit I was nervous upon arriving, but as I entered their home, a sign caught my eye "if today you hear God's voice, harden not your heart." There is was again, as alway. "Daughter," He spoke, "do not be afraid; this is where i have called you."

The call came on Wednesday night when a dear friend, Patricia, phoned to let me know that one of the little girls at Nazareth, a children's home I had been involved with sponsoring but not yet visited, had passes away of an unknown cause. At the news my heart dropped into my stomach and I knew my only option was to go there. How does a beautiful, happy, 3 year old just suddenly die? Since Patricia is involved in supporting the orphanage back in the states, I was the only one who could really go and asses the situation, where the children not getting proper care? medical treatment? Again and again and again God's call is the same, "whom shall I send?" and again, "Here I am, Lord. Send me," is the only response.

I was apprehensive on the drive here, being truly alone in a land where I know no one, but the breeze whispered to me that this is home, and the bright sun took away all doubt. I am staying with the family that lives next door to the orphanage, which is actually two small brick houses with dirt floors, minimal food, and buckets of water for bathing. How gracious this family is to welcome me, a total stranger, into their home! The grandmother just came in with a bowl and a pitcher of water to wash my hands. She has prepared tea for me, and as a respected guest, I must stay here in the living room and take my tea while the rest of the family cleans and prepares the house. Around here, last minute guests are a welcome and wonderful surprise! I am constantly humbled by these people and their longing to serve.

The orphanage is in bad shape. It is dirty, there is little food and littler clothing, and absolutely no medical care. Sadly, it is not hard to image that a child died here just a few days ago. Ms. Josephine, the founder/owner/director of this home to 20 children is in her early 70s (an insane lifetime for any person in this country) and the only family these children have. Needless to say it is near impossible for a 70 year old woman to care for 20 children, but despite a devastating lack of resources and no outside help, she is doing alright. Tomorrow, I will take all the kids to the hospital to have check-ups and be treated for anything they have, as well as de-wormed. Then it will be off to the market to buy some more nutritious food and help them create a meal plan that will be healthy and affordable. I am hoping we can plant a vegetable garden- a great way to have inexpensive, nutritious food and a fun project for the kids. Ultimately I would love to put in a flushing toilet, as at the moment the children use a pit latrine that must be cleaned by hand. I know that God is moving in this place and He is constantly helping me and giving me new visions for these children and the resources to make them happen (huge thank you, once again, to Mr. Mike and all who have contributed!) Can you imagine, a God so large He could create the universe, yet so personal that He cares for each one of these children and meets their needs on an individual basis? How blessed I am to be a servant of such a Master.

sometimes, im walking down these brown streets surrounded by all these brown people, and i just cant believe that I LIVE HERE; this is my life.

sometimes, i see all the street children as i walk down the streets and i want to pick up every single one of them. take them home and feed them and clothe them and love them. there are so many, too many.

sometimes, i cant believe the magnitude of people that need help. people I could help, but how do i choose? in a country where millions of children are starving, how do i decide which ones to feed?

ALWAYS, i know that i know that i know that i am here because God put me here, that i am serving His purpose, and that i am changing the world for His glory. i wouldnt trade that for anything.

ive been praying a lot lately about starting this organization. i sometimes feel like i am drowning in work that i just dont know how to do. beginning this also means that, for sure, a good part of my life will be spent right here in uganda. but that is what i want, because i KNOW that this is what God wants. so i do this work. i do this work this i dont know anything about, that is complicated and confusing, this work that i dont yet even have the money to do, with excitement and enthusiasm. and i know that there is nothing i would rather do.



Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity

I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'till I try, I'll never know...

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately -
Everyone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me -

Tell them how I
Am defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And nothing's gonna bring me down..
-Elphaba (that was for my girls)

immy, my sweet african neighbor is washing my feet. just because. the is the sweet humility of these people. i was just laying here outside with the puppies and she came and started washing my feet. Jesus washed the feet of His disciples, He was a true servant. these people know how to serve, know how to be Jesus to others. they are Jesus to me every single day. last week i made my kindergarten assistant, "teacher patience", a cake for her birthday; she was so thrilled. "katie, may God bless you abundantly" she said. but He already has, i thought. He already has.

Life has been soooo so busy lately but busy in the indescribably beautiful way that makes me feel purposeful; i know i am busy doing God's work. i sponsored my first three girls to go to go to school last week (they are my friend patric's daughters and i am sponsoring them personally so i was able to get a jump start, they are my trial kids). these girls parents use every penny they make just to pay their daughter's school fees, so other things like school supplies and uniforms are not luxuries that these girls have ever had. i of course payed in full, so for the first time in their lives, these girls who wear the same dresses every day have uniforms like the other children at the school. instead of taking notes on scrap pieces of paper and napkins left over from lunch, they now have pens and paper. when i had finished paying the headmaster for everything, we called the girls into the office and gave them their new uniforms. they were so excited that they put them on right away. i have never seen anyone so happy or grateful. they were down on their knees thanking me as their father beamed with pride. and all of this for about 200 dollars, or what my family and i would spend on groceries weekly.

this is what makes no power, no running water, no english-speaking friends all worth it, that gratefulness. the fact that God can use me to make someone that elated makes me forget to miss tv and normal food and having clean feet. i would give everything i own for that one moment of happiness, to see the gratitude in those girls faces.

i mentioned this before but didn't really go into detail: i have decided (with the guidance of the Lord and lots of help from my awesome supportive parents) to open an organization that will sponsor the orphaned and vulnerable kids that live in the villages surrounding buziika to go to school. i dont know a thing about opening a nonprofit. but what i know is the joy on the childrens faces when they find out they are going to be able to go to school. what i know is the gratitude of parents who work so hard to be able to provide their children with an education and still cant afford it. what i know is the faithfulness of the Lord. this is going to be another long journey, and God is going to walk with me every step of the way. i cant wait.

i teach 134 kindergarteners. every day i walk with them home from school and actually go home with one of them. i love my time with these children and being able to meet their families and see their homes. they all just have these stories that you wouldnt believe stories from movies or the news, and yet, this is my REAL life. the people that i meet have mostly never seen a white person. while white people have been at canaan before, none have ever ventured into these villages. they all run to bring me a seat, insist that i come their houses, and pray for me before i leave. it is the best feeling in the world, and once again word are just not sufficient. yesterday i walked home with twin girls, mercy and nlanga. they live about 2 miles from the school and walk here barefoot every day, over the rocks and mud, rain or shine. turns out they live with their 3 older siblings and grandmother, jaja christine. as we sat on her dirt steps she told me their stories. their mother (her daughter) had come to "visit" when mercy and nlanga were about 2 (so about 3 years ago). in the middle of the night the mother had left, leaving her mom to raise her 5 children. jaja christine does any work she can get her hands on, works all day on banana plantations and grows and sells her own casava (a root that is a staple food here.. kind of like a cross between a potato and a turnip) on the side of the road. all this work and she makes only enough money to send 3 out of 5 children to school. it is truly devastating. i told her about our plan to sponsor kids and she fell on her knees. "i am not alone in raising these children," she said. "you see how God takes care of me? i am not alone. He has sent you to answer my greatest prayer." and standing there in the stifling hot african sun, i had chill bumps. that is the greatness of our God. not just that He would bless jaja christine with me, but also bless me with her true faith, complete trust, and real gratitude. these people claim that i bless them, and i know that i do. somehow though, i think they bless me more.

With such great pride the tiny, barefoot and bald, coffee-bean colored little girl showed her teacher the closet-sized room she calls home. with such great excitement she introduced her new "mzungu" teacher to her mother who, upon seeing a white person for the first time, shrieked with glee and examined her closely. immediately a feast of rice and boiled bananas, the cheapest african staples, and of course all this family could afford, was prepared. these people did not apologize for the fact that there was no table or chairs for the meal or t he fact that all seven people could hardly fit comfortably in the house. they fed the teacher like she was a queen and wished they could give her something more, but rejoiced in what they had.

the african people have pride. not sinful pride, beautiful pride. pride in themselves, in what they have and what they have accomplished despite their circumstances, because they know it all comes from the Lord. they dont say "excuse the dirty, tiny house" or "sorry we don't have much"; they say "look at what the Lord has dome for us! look at what God has provided!" they dont have much, but what they have they recognize as gifts from the Lord. thesse people know that blessings come from the Father alone, and with the things they have they boast of His greatness.

how much this teacher can learn from her students. how much i can learn from these people who so often seem to have nothing, and yet have EVERYTHING.