Friday, May 27, 2011



This week. Mother's had their babies blown from their arms, the storm too strong. Other's clung tight as their infants breathed their last in my best friend's back seat, blood transfusions and machine-oxygen not enough to revive.

I hold the hearts in my thoughts and I pray harder. I lock eyes with this one momma, baby growing cold in her lap and I whisper, "I know." And I murmur a prayer over her but there really aren't words so we just cry and we hold each other all the way home. I remember too well what it feels like to go home without your baby. To wake up the next morning fuzzy and not want to be this woman because things like this only happen in movies and on new stations, not to me. Please, God, not to me?

And no, it won't be ok, but it will be glorious one day when you lock arms in Heaven. And it only hurts this deep because you loved so deep and that memory, that love is what you live on some days.

So we bow down and we pray for you mothers. We snuggle close the babes still here. And while the head spins, "where is God in this mess," the heart knows the answer, "right here."

God is right here with us. And He knows.

This pain, this is what He did for us. Willing. He knows this hurt because He chose it to save us.

And that love is what we live on every day.


30 comments:

Janet said...

So so so so Beautiful! xxx

Anonymous said...

thank you for the encouragement today. i pray for you and your ministry as often as you come to mind.
press on...
rachel hood (aberdeen, uk)

Lauren said...

as one who has said goodbye to two of her babies, this post resonates deeply with me. You worded it perfectly... in the midst of the deepest pain and agony the temptation is to wonder "where did God go??" but the TRUTH is ... He is right here holding us in the pain.

Amber said...

I'm so sorry, Katie.

MsMills said...

"..When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, 'blessed be the name of the Lord!'"
I've been meditating on the fact that He is still good, still blessed, still worthy even in the face of the greatest suffering. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." -Job

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

OOOOhhhhh....such deep pain.....PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr T said...

I dont have the words. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Anonymous said...

I love you soo much and am so sorry for your suffering. I am praying for you even though you don't know me.

Cassie said...

Sweet Katie,I do not know all the details of what happened this week but please know you hafe thousands upon thousands of prayers rising up on your behalf.

Remember God mends the broken hearted, and he looks at his children as a mother hen and wants to gather them under his wings- he is holding you close as you minister with his love.

Many prayers and blessings to you- Thank you for looking in love with his eyes.

Cassie

Mark Langham said...

I read your words this morning and all I could do was grieve. Thank you for your heart and your humble service and the light of the love of God shining brilliantly through you.

Bethany said...

Psalm 136

Jacki said...

My heart just aches. It's just hard sometimes truthfully to read this, and know what you and these mothers go through. God's return and the glory we will see one day will be more than breath taking. I pray for your strength today, and each to bare witness and to not grow faint.

Angie Bannister said...

Amen, Amen and Amen!!

Anonymous said...

Lord i pray for katie fill her up with the Holy Spirit...be the Comforter to the weomen and families that have lost their children...God You love us so much and we thank you for that love pour that love on Your beloved...start a fire in our hearts that longs for Your face and desires Your words...show Your sheep where to rest we love you so much...in Jesus Christ name amen

Enjoy Country Living said...

Oh Katie How sad. Praying for all of you. I put you in my prayers every night knowing that Elohim holds you up in his arms. Love and hugs to you and your family. Mary

Auntie Amanda said...

Oh no... does this mean the little one Kelsey had been posting about has gone to be with Jesus? I'm sorry. I know this must be tough on you all. Prayers and hugs...

Jim Bures said...

That love. Oh how I need that love.

Lori said...

This is powerful. Beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I am inspired by you, Katie. I am a young, young girl who wants to grow up to be like you. God is working through you and I am in awe. You stand in my prayers...

Butterfly Kisses said...

Praying for you always but knowing more specifically how to direct the prayers after your post. Thanks for sharing. Stay strong in HIS arms! Blessings--dianne

Candra Georgi said...

where is God in this mess? right here.

love.

Amber said...

I have no words. but you have my heart, admiration and prayers.

AmberK

finaorlena said...

I was a dorm mama for 9 moths, to 16 mexicana chicas.
When we all left for the summer, my heart ached/s over the ones who I wont see again, over the ones who are done at the ranch...
They are not my flesh and blood, they are not literally mine, but I hold them in my heart.

Thank you Katie for the encouragement; to pray, to trust, to rejoice.

It was through reading your blog a couple years agi that my heart broke over the many that are out there, who need help, hugs, love...and I was only lov'en on one little girl. God pulled and tugged on my heart till I Had to listen, took the first step, and started seeking: where?
And so I spent 9 months in the dorm, with 16 girls who couldn't have a conversation with their own family, who live in dangerous cities, who desperately needed Jesus love to fill their hearts.

I'm so glad He drew me, that you inspired me, that your blog encouraged me--keeps on reminding me that I Can Trust Jesus--He loves them more then I can! He is in control of all things. He is so very good.

Thank you Katie, from the bottom of my heart.

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit"!
(Romans 15:13)

Pr. 3:5, Rom. 8:28, Phil. 4:4-9, Ps. 37:3-4

Kathleen said...

I just found your story via friends. I have reposted it on my facebook page as well. Your story has touched me so deeply, your love, your devotion to our savior is worth sharing to all!! I read to send money to the address in TN. I would prefer you not send us a thank you in order to assist more children. Are there other ways to help?
God Bless You Dear Katie! For He has Blessed us with your story and faith!!!
The Lawrence Family

sandra tafelski said...

Yes. Your words are true. I am a mother who went home without her baby. I know the promise and hope of "one day."

Jim and April said...

i needed this tonight. it's been six weeks since we said goodbye to our baby girl Annabelle who was delivered too soon for her to stay in this world! We also lost 4 others in miscarriage. Grieving with hope!

Hope said...

amazing truths in the midst of such sorrow and shattered hearts...I know the pain of holding your lifeless babe...and only the comforting Hand of God has lifted my head since then. Praise God for being the life-giver and the redeemer of everything broken. Everything sad IS coming untrue.

CC said...

Katie,
I am yet another stranger to you, but a sister in Christ. A friend just shared your blog with me... I lost my son in April, and am so touched by your posts. So in hopes of some way encouraging you, here's what God did for me this morning:
My two-year old daughter and I were laying in my bed when she pointed towards a picture of my son in the corner of my room and said, "I see that man." Not sure what exactly she saw, I asked, "Who is that?" "Baby John," she replied. "Yes, but who is that man? What is his name?" I asked. Her answer: "Jesus' daddy." (She refers to all of her friends' parents as "___'s daddy" or "___'s mommy", and we haven't yet taught her the whole, "God is Jesus's daddy" thing.

Just a sweet moment from God to reassure me that He is with us, and with my son. So I know that He is the same God in Uganda as he is in Alabama.

Much love and many prayers,
Candace Cook

Sadie T. said...

Sad and happy all at the same time...
God is working amazingly through you and I am really encouraged by your words! Thank you so much!

Praise God!
Sadie T.

Brooke said...

Beautiful words. I have been following you for qhite a while. I lost a baby to a fatal birth defect last year, had a biological baby 8 weeks ago, and we are waiting on a referral (or two) from Ethiopia. The feeling of loss is great, but goodness, puts into persepctive the loss our savior endured for us. Makes me feel so petty for grieving, but knowing he created me for that as well.

Thanks for putting into words what is so hard to say. You tell beautiful stories of what the Lord is doing. I read your book in two days, while nursing my sweet baby.

God is good and he is with you, as you reach out to the 'least of these'. continue inspiring others with the gospel...i think you are doing much work in the US as you live your life in such a way that inspires.