Lots of emotions, too many words to really even write. Above all else, I am resting in knowing sweet Happy is whole and rejoicing with Jesus, Oh thank you sweet Lord.
Yesterday I was sad and frustrated. Not sad that Happy was with our Creator, not frustrated that she had passed away - I know that was His plan for her sweet little life. But seriously. 4 months old. 4 pounds. 9mm hole in her heart. The doctors at the government hospital where treatment is supposed to be free for everyone equally, looked at her, looked at her mother, saw they had no money, and sent her away. Look at that sweet face. Sent her away. There is a heart surgeon there that could have fixed the hole. She didn't have to struggle so much. There is medication IN THIS COUNTRY that would have helped. Had I waltzed in to that same hospital with a baby in the same condition they would have treated her based on the assumption that I am wealthy. It is a bit overwhelming.
Yesterday I was tired. Not sleepy. Just plain worn out. I knew Happy for about 72 hours. Sure, I was able to help her for those 72 hours, to comfort her mom, to rock her to sleep. I fell in love with this sweet baby girl who barely had the strength to breathe but would clutch my finger with all her might. But why? Why am I constantly falling in love with people that I cannot help, people that are taken out of my life so quickly.
As I read my Bible last night after falling into bed, the Lord continued to take me to the miracles of Jesus. And something really stood out to me that I have never noticed before. The Bible tells us of Jesus magnificently raising Lazarus from the dead, healing numerous deathly ill people, and feeding thousands. What the Bible does not mention, but what must be true is that years later, Lazarus still died. The people Jesus healed were inevitably sick again at some point in their lives. The people Jesus fed miraculously were hungry again a few days later. More important than the very obvious Might and Power shown by Jesus's miracles is His LOVE. He loved these people enough to genuinely care, to do everything in His power to make it better. He entered into their suffering and loved the right there. We aren't really called to save to the world, not even to save one person; Jesus has already done that. We are just called to love with abandon. With EVERYTHING we have. We are called to enter in to our neighbor's suffering and love them right there. Maybe I did NOTHING but allow Happy to struggle a few days longer. But I did love her, and she now has a spot in my heart that is forever changed.
Today I am rejoicing in my sweet few days with Happy. I am rejoicing that one day I will see her again and I will be able to tell her how she changed my heart and taught me about Love. I have received countless emails and phone calls in the last few days from doctors, nurses, friends and strangers offering all different ways to help and all sorts of encouragement. What a beautiful example of the Body of Christ you all have been. I received several emails last night and this morning from different doctors that had been helping me, all telling me a bit of how Happy had changed their hearts and given them a stronger desire provide better medical care in Uganda. In a meeting with doctors from all over the world at UNC yesterday they had talked extensively about Happy and how they need to find a better way to get accessible health care to Uganda. Sweet Happy, you are paving the way for greatness. In 4 months you have brought about change, you have taught people, you have changed people, you have broken people's hearts. We love you sweet baby girl.
Thank you, sweet friends, for your prayers.