“Jesus! Mama, baby Jesus! I want to see! I want to see Jesus!,” shrieks my littlest darling.
How can I refuse? I lift her, for what seems like the hundredth time this morning, to the manger scene on the living room bookshelf. She gazes in wonder, oohs and ahs, gingerlyfingering the cornhusk baby in his twig and banana fiber trough.
“Jesus, Mama,” she whispers.
And so, the nativity scene that once was packed away each year after Christmas remains on the bookshelf still, because my darling baby, in all her wondrous excitement reminds me daily of who I want to be, the kind of life I want to live.
A wide-eyed, expectant child, gazing in wonder on a beautiful Savior.
In the middle of a broken, sin-crushed world, my soul cries out, “I want to see! I want to see Jesus!”
I want to see Jesus.
My darling Karimojong sister Maria, who is battling severe, gripping alcoholism, and her sweet baby are living with us still. People wonder, even gasp, that I would let her join us at our table. Isn’t she a poor example? Why would I subject my girls to that?
I want to see Jesus.
Newborn baby Noah snuggles to my chest as his mother lays dying in a hospital bed. He cried through the night and I feed him and kiss his pink toes and pray over his little life. Why do I do it? Don’t I have my hands full enough already?
I want to see Jesus.
Zulaika, her severely malnourished baby and her 8 year old daughter move into our home while we teach Zulaika how to care for her children and find her a job so she can continue to do so. They have lice. They do not bathe. Fear creeps up the back of my throat and I wonder, what if all my children get sick? But we have taken in sick people before, and each time He hedges us in protection. People ask, do I feel that I am being responsible?
I want to see Jesus.
Jane and her birth mom spend the weekend in our guest room. I figure if I cannot parent this my daughter, the least I can do is teach her mother about our Savior, invest time in their lives, pray over them while we love them. My heart breaks in two as her high pitched, breathy giggle once more fills my home and the pain threatens to paralyze me, but I won't let it.
I want to see Jesus.
Strangers eat at our table, bathe in our showers, sleep in our beds, share our everything. And I fleetingly wonder if it wouldn’t be better for my girls if I maintained some semblance of normal, but He shows me that HIS definition of family is not at all limited by my own.
I want to see Jesus.
I want to see Jesus and if I don’t step out, how can He come in? If I don’t give all of myself, my home, even my family, how will He be magnified?
Do I want my children to be safe? Absolutely. Do I want them to have a “normal” family dinner sometimes and be healthy and not be subject to the rage of an alcoholic or the hurt of friends dying and siblings leaving? Of course. But more than that I want to take a cue from my baby girl.
I want to whisper to them excitedly each morning, “Look, Jesus.”
I want them to see Jesus. In my life. In my actions. Lifted High. Magnified. In our neighbors, no matter how sick or dirty. In our home.
I want the best for my children, I do. And I believe with all my heart what is best is for them to have a mother – a crazy mother even – wide-eyed in wonder, recklessly chasing after her Savior.
More of Him. We want to see Jesus.
130 comments:
Beautiful. Thank you.
There are no words for how this particular post blesses and inspires me. Thank you, Katie.
What a wonderful reminder of what we should look for every single day, every moment that we breathe!
I want to see JESUS!!! YES, I want to see HIM!
Oh, Katie. You are so wise. He is so proud of you... And I, I have no words. You teach me...You have been teaching me. It's not just your daughters that see Jesus in you...You are His light in this world.
Continuing in prayers with you over your family and 'guests', Praying for your heart and His peace within it. and I send you huge, warm, love filled hugs.
Your Sister in Christ,
AmberK
You are an amazing example to so many of us. Thank you, Katie!!!
new follower here. every post makes me tear up.
i want to see Jesus.
also we are currently raising support to come to Uganda so i love seeing how the LORD is working there.
blessings.
"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Tim. 1:7 Keep listening to your Savior. Don't let the doubts or worries of others make you question what you have heard. God has a different story for each of us. Let Him write yours without the interjections of the worlds wisdom. Know one knows what's best for you like Jesus does. I know you know that. "for the LORD will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard." Is 52:12b. Praying for you and all who enter your doors. In Christ, Kim
I see Jesus in you. Thank you for the challenge. Beautiful.
Thousands of miles away, your words INSPIRE and actions of how you live humble me to want to be a better mother. May God continue to walk beside you in your life journey.
great reminders....thanks for helping me refocus today.
This is so beautiful and inspiring. I am in tears. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your words. God bless you!
We too want to see Jesus. In our lives - all of our lives. Advocating for orphans every single day of our lives!
Thanks Katie - so very good and so very true.
I know you don't know me, but a friend referred me to your blog about the time I started praying seriously about overseas missions. I felt compelled today to comment...
Praise God that He reminds us to keep our focus on him through the voice of little children. I know that in the moments that we open ourselves to whatever God wants the most, it often looks odd, foolish, dangerous even. I think sometimes God wants simply to show us a greater vision of him through it all as we make ourselves available. Blessings on the journey, and May our Great God continually bring you closer to seeing Jesus!
So beautifully spoken and so touching and moving. Thank you.
Wow. You are a true follower of Jesus. I see Jesus in you and I want my life to reflect more of Jesus, too.
God Bless you and your children
Thanks for sharing that!
I see Jesus in you. Your faith and your love for others is inspiring!
God Bless you and your family!
Amen amen AMEN! How can we see more of Jesus if we don't step out and let Him step in? So often my heart cries "Lord I want more of YOU!" but my actions don't reflect it. Thank you for this reminder and challenge. Keep running after the cross, sister.
CRAZY LOVE!!! You have the it SISTER!! Proud of you!!! Oh that I may be more like you and Jesus!!!!!!!AMEN!
Katie, It never ceases to amaze me that He works through you in so many ways and also speaks through you, gives you the words to touch the hearts of those who read your blogs....I love it. It humbles me, fills me with love and gratitude, and inspires me to do more for the Kingdom. I thank God for You and continue to pray for you and your family.
Beautiful example. Love what you're doing. We're on the same page. :)
Janey DeMeo - www.orphansfirst.org
Thank you for this! What a great challenge for me today as I teach my children how to see Jesus. Praying along side you for your girls and your neighbors. Blessings, Emily
So inspiring! Thank you for reminding me that in everything I do, I should ALWAYS want to see Jesus!
Awesome..the kind of woman I want to be. I want to see Him too!
Thank you so much for your updates and letting me share a small sliver of your life. Your last paragraph is a quote to live by for all mothers. I am praying for you and your beautiful family!
Thank you for pointing me towards Jesus today.
thank you for directing me to Jesus today.
You remind me of Dorothy Day and Father Peter--I have prayed so often - that Jane and her mother would come and stay with you!!! I am so happy to hear that they were there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will continue to pray for you in this time!! l, elizabeth c.
I miss your more regular posts. I'm always excited when you come to the top of my blog roll..finally! And then, as I begin reading I'm challenged and sometimes wish I hadn't read. :) You are so real, thank you. I needed to hear this.
And to see the Father's love - his love for Jane, her birthmother, your family. He is so good. Although a bittersweet visit, and painful when she left, Our Father brought her for a visit - to see Jesus!
As always, a great post from you, thank you!
About the active alcoholic you are helping: I recommend "Alcoholics Anonymous" literature to you, for her. It is God*-focused, all about what your blog and life are all about: Living life according to "God*'s will, not ours." The 12 steps of AA have helped many, many people, from all walks of life.
I doubt there is a meeting nearby for Maria, but she could get a lot from this literature, and improve her relationship with God* and her children through it.
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359
Keep up the Great Work!
* God, as we understand God.
Beautiful!
Yes ... you ARE doing what is BEST for your precious daughters.
Keep seeking after Jesus, and He will show you the way ... every day.
Hope your weeks is BLESSED!
Laurel
oh, katie. you bless me.
we are getting questioned a lot right now [mostly by strangers that don't know our family!] why this and why that. my only answer is obedience! because i trust God! because i love Jesus! because His ways are better than mine!
thank you for this.
praying for you and your family every day.
Thanks for this picture, Katie. I've often struggled with what the Lord wants vs. what the world considers to be "responsible", and you've articulated the struggle well...and given a great picture of what the answer should always be!
The way that God is using you is so amazing. How you parent all your girls, take care of the sick and poor, and yet seem so strong in your faith. How can us mom's in the states say that we don't have time to spend with the Lord every day? Your faith in our Savior and devotion to Him is an inspiration to many.
Ah, breath of fresh air amid my self-centered life. Thank you for the reminder.
Wow. If only we all sought our savior with such passion!!! You are a wonderful mother. Thanks for being such a shinning example of what a Christian mother should look like
There is nothing better in this life...than to see Jesus! Your daughters are seeing this in you every day.
this is so amazing! so beautifully written. its amazing what we can learn from a child. a precious child. thank you for sharing this!
Wonderful, beautiful Saviour. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for this inspiring message. I struggle in the areas of my children seeing an example of me in words , life and deeds all the time. I wish I could do better, but You inspire me to keep trying, thank you for your posts. We love and pray for you always. BIGGGG HUGGGS
The song by Casting Crowns, "The Voice of Truth"...I heard it for the first time JUST before reading your post. And your post echoes the Voice of Truth. Thank you for your willingness to obey that Voice and thank you for showing many countless others what obedience truly is! I see Jesus every time I read this blog!
As always your words bring me to HIM. Tears in my eyes and determination in my heart. I too want to see...Jesus.
Amen and amen!!
Thank you for such a wonderful reminder. May God bless you richly for your obedience:-).
So powerful. You inspire me.
Your words touch me and draw me closer to our Savior each time I read a post. I am inspired to pray for you and your girls that each hurt offered to Him be returned to you through blessings, healing of your hearts, and greater intimacy with He who grieves with us. Stand firm in your faith dear sister, you are an ispiration to many!
Blessed. Tears.
What you are doing for these people around you is beautiful and loving and you are making a difference in people's lives. The love of God is working through you to show His love to others. The truth is, though, you don't need to do any of these things to see Jesus. He has called you His own and He will never forsake you, ever. But God has called you to a special life and so His love in you makes you want to care for those around you. Some Christians have the idea that the work they are doing will be rewarded when they get to Heaven... in the Bible it says that some will be disappointed (He never knew them). You want to see Jesus... when God has chosen you to be His own, it's already a done deal, guaranteed, absolute certainty that you will see Jesus. It sounds like what you really meant to say is, "I want to SHOW Jesus" to those around me.
Carry on your wonderful work. Your children and your village and many other people too are being blessed by the work God is doing through you. Is there anything that God can't do?! Believe and you will be saved.... you WILL see Jesus, that's a certainty.
Thanks...
His ways are not our ways, eh?
Blessings dear sister, and hugs to your family, growing and changing as it is.
beautiful :)
Amen! That was so inspiring. Even on the other side of the world, there is a girl who is looking at your life and your words and wanting more of Jesus because she Jesus in you. May the Lord continue to grow you into mother with a heart reckless and abandoned out of a desire for Jesus.
as I read your words and find myself saying, "I want to see Jesus too." and then I realize that as I read them I do. You love like Jesus. thank you for writing.
Always and forever reminding us to see Jesus too. Thank you, Katie. I'm praying for you all.
LOVED this.
Girl! You have Jesus written all over you! I am sure your precious girls see Him written all over you as well. Keep pressing in, You are making much of Him and He is being lifted high!
yes! He has so been working the same thing in me...magnifying Him in everything i do. i want to learn more and more how to make much of my Jesus.
Please don't ever stop sharing your heart with us.
tears fill my eyes while reading..... this is good and right! being Jesus' hand & feet. my house is His! I want to use it for His glory, amen. this is needed :-)
Always praying for you, your girls, and our Amazima girl.
We, too, keep a nativity scene out year round. And it was at my toddler's request.
Blessings.
So amazing and beautiful.
I want to see Jesus.
That is my heart's cry.
... "I want to see Jesus"... Thank you so much for being so raw and for so wonderfully reminding us that we all need to have that desire... I WANT to see Jesus!! Thank you for reminding us that others are looking and that we need to WANT them to see Jesus IN us! My prayers are with you <3
If I don't step out, how can Jesus come in? Thank you for sharing these words of encouragement. You are truly an inspiration.
Stephanie,
Mississippi
Katie, this amazing. I read your blog and just think of HOW much I see the savior in you! You are truly a blessing. Thanks for the challenge to live life with hands wide open.
Thank you - for chasing after Him - the only one who is worthy, so worthy, to be chased after.
You and your family are in my prayers.
We are not in control. We are powerless. We cannot change a thing in the broken, beautiful world of beating hearts around us. But Jesus can. Jesus is restoring it all. When we look for Him, we simply take a front seat to what He alone can do -- in us, through us, for us. Stay willing and Jesus will do the rest. As you stay present with your girls and with each of the yearning souls that come in and out your doors, Jesus does the rest, the more-than-we-can-ask-or-imagine. May you stay delighted as you follow Jesus.
Amen Katie. Amen!
"For even when you give a cup of water to one of these little ones because you are My servant you are giving it to me."
You are truly inspiring and following God's example.
Amen!
Katie, I do not know you, but I have been blessed by your open heart and the blogs that you write. Thank you for sharing. I wept as I read about your little Jane leaving you and now that she visited you with her birth mother.. and how much it hurts, but how much you care because of JESUS!I pray for you and your "family"!
In His love and care!
Your sister in Christ,
Linda / Vermont USA
Oh katie,
you really do show Jesus with everything. I want to be like your little girl waking up and seeing jesus. Thanks for this wonderful story and inspiring me and teaching me!
I've been secretely reading your blog for a little while now. Your story and your heart are so inspiring. This post especially - it brought tears to mu eyes.
Awesome post. I just found your blog and followed immediately...just knew instantly, before even reading , that this was a good one! :)
AMEN!
Katie, I just wanted to let you know that since I read your blog for the first time you and your children are on my daily prayer list. Blessings!
To Him who alone does great wonders...
amen. this makes me want to come over! Jesus...so inviting. im in texas, so it may be a while. ;) praying that my home would be a place such as this. - Your sister in Christ, Jodee
I love this! What a example you are to not only your children but all of us who want to see Jesus.
Oh how we all need to stand in wonder of JESUS!!!! Breathtaking, even in that "wreckless abandon" we NEED TO SEE JESUS!!!!
What a great reminder.
You so challenge and inspire me Katie. Never change.
I loved that nativity scene and I still can't take some of my Christmas decorations down and it's almost March. Now you've given me a new perspective as to why. Just wish I had a little one or more to help remind me like you do. :) Love you Katie...
I loved this. Thank you.
Tears!!! Beautiful! I want to Jesus too!
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you. My prayers and love are with you.
wow! Thank you!
Wow! You are a wonderful example of how all of us SHOULD be...I know I couldn't do what you are doing. Your daughters are beyond blessed to have you as their mother, showing them how to treat others as He would want us treat the less fortunate. Bless you!
katie, this post brought me to tears! The Lord so speaks to me through the way you share your heart and how He's moving through your life. thank you for sharing so transparently!
Wonderfully inspired me to read and read and spread it.... Thanks!
oh I WANT to see Jesus...
Others have stated it...I see. However, it was the one word I wanted to give back to you after reading your words to us....Beautiful!
Keep sharing your heart, Katie. You're inspiring us all!!
Praying for you and sharing your story with others:
http://elysasmusingsfromgraceland.blogspot.com/2011/02/all-she-did-was-say-yes-seth-barnes.html
Can't wait til I'm back in Africa helping His precious little ones "see Jesus", too.
Elysa Mac
You are an amazing Lady :)
And I have the nerve to complain. All I can think, is shame on me! :(
YOU are Jesus with skin on, Katie!! The kind of Christian that "I" want to be!!! Lord, bless Katie and her ministry...her children you have blessed her with, and give her the grace to be all that you have called her to be!!! As you show her Jesus......let her "be" the Jesus that her children and others see!!!
so inspiring! thank you so much. :)
Fantastic, focusing and falling in love with our savior each and every day. Awesome.
perfectly said! Prayers to you, your children and your ministry
You inspire me! I have been drawn to your blog since finding out that I will get to visit you in June with a Visiting Orphans team! I am so excited to get to meet you and see Jesus!
Amen.
Oh my. I have such an unhealthy fear of lice. A note came home from my sons preschool and I went into a 2 day phantom itching fit.
Thank you, Katie. Thank you for caring for alcoholics and people who don't bathe and babies and strangers.
You are loved.
wow...I am...speechless. That was so very humbling and inspiring. God bless you!
Katie, I so feel you. My sweet three year old was obsessed with the baby Jesus of the nativity this year. She didn't care about Santa, or the presents, but she looked every morning to see if the Christmas lights were still on in the neighborhood homes and she looked for the Baby Jesus at the gate of Christian Brother's University. She was sad when they took it down. Be encouraged dear friend, there is no semblance of normal when you are surrendered to the will and calling of Christ. I praise Him for your willing heart and for the home he's provided so that you can use this resource for his glory. Love on, pour on, you will NEVER regret these moments...trust me! Much love my fellow "single mom by choice". You encourage me greatly.
oh my goodness you speak my heart in words i couldn't find. praying because my heart cries out i want to see Jesus and to have them see Jesus and to be His hands and feet. thank you for sharing and for your obedience and for your heart.
Thanks Katie,
You're an encouragement to us.
I started a fundraiser on CROWDRISE for Amazima Ministries just in case there are folks there who haven't heard the story.
Bless you, friend.
Brian
The Lord is helping all who read this post have a glimpse of what it means to be abandoned to our mighty God in all things . . . it's not always safe or makes common sense . . . but then neither did the life of Jesus. We see Jesus. Glory to His precious name! :)
katie! i LOVE this post because it is jesus' way to further open up my eyes and my heart to His love and how it works its way out into the lives of others. i wish you were a neighbor so i could ask you the myriad of questions that come to mind and learn from seeing you live out this life in pursuit of this awesome God who has saved us. but alas, Jesus will instruct me and walk me through this foggy road until I come out into the spacious place He has called me. I bless you in Jesus' name, with new strength, new wisdom, new joy, and new power today. Though I don't know you in the flesh--by God's spirit, I rejoice for how He's used you to lead me closer to Him! With love, Lolly
Just wanted you to know, my daughter wrote about you in her college paper here: http://pealsofprice.blogspot.com/2011/02/word-from-college-student.html
Thanks for the awesome example of service in love.
Once again, I am moved to tears. How profound! Thank you, Katie....for helping me to better see Jesus. And, Lord, may I see Jesus again and again in my own life!
Love and Blessing to you, dear Katie!
You are the closest example I know of to our wonderful Savior. God bless you over and over and over for being who you are, and for teaching us all through you. xo
Amazing....thanks Katie!
Katie, I like so many others, have just found your blog and have read through the entire, amazing story this past week. I have already familiar with David Platt (both his book and podcasts). I too long to see Jesus and long for people to see him in me and yet I often fall so short. I do not know where to begin, but feel God calling me to just start walking. My passion is marriages and while I want to start seeing and letting God use me to help meet the needs of the orphans and widows right here around me, I also feel we need to do something radical in the area of marriage and family, so I press on.
Your words are an inspiration for me and I 'm sure there are many posts I will return to. I can't wait to see your book.
You, your ministry, and your beautiful family, will continually be in my prayers and I ask that I will also be in yours.
His in service, Kelly J.
Every time I tell someone else about your blog, I remind them to bring tissues with them. I need them again as I sit and read your life here in black and white. Thank you for answering the calling He has placed on your life.
Oh, Dear Sister, how you see Jesus, and others see Jesus when they see you!
This Sunday's homily was about emptying myself to make room for God so that eventually he can take over. You are an example of that Katie. with prayers from Minnesota.
Amen. Your story fills my heart with Him.
Amen. Your story fills my heart with Him.
I look and I see Him. Beautiful.
Katie, just one more lil soul you have chnaged here, thru your story and work...
I have sent in my sponsorship today....After seeing all you do, how could I not?
Hugs..
thank you for sharing this and the wonder of 'Jesus' always...
Jesus... and a young child shall lead them...
Oh, wow. Thank you for helping me to refocus today. It's so easy for me to get distracted by the world. You are a shining example of a life totally devoted to Christ. I pray God pours out His blessings on you and your daughters!
You don't know me, but God is really using you in my life. You are such an inspiration and someone who i am so inspired by. I know you are living your life out for God's glory and it truly shows! Keep up all of your hardwork and continue pressing on and living for Him! Your blog really blesses me and the people around me! God is using you in ways you dont even know with people who you have and probably will never meet!
Thank you for your obedience. It is very humbling and convicting!!
Love,
Your sister in Christ.
This is by far one of the most beautiful, brutally honest posts I think I may have ever read. Thank-you for sharing and blessings to you and your girls as you serve Jesus without reservation.
Jamie
www.beneaththeacaciatree.com
thank you SO much for this, i desperately needed a reminder of what love is, its not an emotion but rather our acts of caring and kindness that is love and expresses gods love as it is, no boundaries, just plain and simple. love is caring and showing you care, not just saying those simple words that anyone can say.
thank you.
thank you SO much for this, i desperately needed a reminder of what love is, its not an emotion but rather our acts of caring and kindness that is love and expresses gods love as it is, no boundaries, just plain and simple. love is caring and showing you care, not just saying those simple words that anyone can say.
thank you.
This touched me, thank you for sharing. Such a great reminder of what life is about. I want to see Jesus.
I love your life, your passion, and your blog. I lead people to your blog and tell them to come prepared to weep. You inspire me, give me perspective for my own crazy life, and you always amaze me with your amazing life. Jesus is truly your savior and it is a blessing to be a part of that journey through prayer. Blessings--dianne
I too want to see Jesus. That can mean our lives and priorities are questioned. Through it all, I pray others see Jesus too. You are a blessing and an encouragement, Katie. We all see Jesus in your family. Thank you!
This is an amazing blog and post. You are SHINING Jesus out for the rest of the world. Thank you for sharing your heart and what you face. We have it so easy here.
i'm so excited! i've finally gotten caught up to 2011 :)
first off - i just have to say - our nativity scene has been on our front room table for 3 Christmases straight (and the whole time in between)
It started off that I had forgotten to put it away that first year, and then everyone commented on it - and so I thought - why put it away??? Just because Christmas is over - why should I put it away??
And so now it is a reminder - a constant presence in our home!
I would love to say that I have the heart of your sweet baby girl and always run to it to "see Jesus" and be reminded of exactly Who He is, day in and day out. But honestly, I do not.
I want to though! I want to see Jesus - so I will actively seek Jesus :)
We have been in the process of becoming foster/adoptive parents for the past year and a half and we are finally finished and waiting for the call :)
I'm excited that the LORD will be filling our home with love-deprived children in addition to the three we already have.
Your life is a beautiful testimony of God's love being shared shared and shared! Thank you for not only doing what you're doing - but being vocal about it - being vulnerable about it - and being passionate about it! love you so much katie!
My tears are overflowing. I wish that your heart could feel what mine does right now. I thank God for what He is doing through you. I thank God for your obedience. I thank God for all of those that I will see in heaven because of you. I thank God for the example that you are to me and so many others. The little girl in me thanks God for blessing those girls with such an amazing Mom. I thank God that you were the one that told me that I am one of His favorites. I want to see Jesus too...
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